It was January 29. Tuesday. The day was bright and everyone around me was filled with joy. Everyone anticipated the last few days. The smell of graduation they say. Smiles and laughters. Seemed like everyone cant wait. I wasnt spared. I was overjoyed. Classmates and DMTS are loved.

And oh boy how delighted I was when evening came. Its time for me to meet another group of loved ones. To train with Selatrans is never a bore. Finally no more meetings to attend at 5. Every work and post were handed over safely. I can train peacefully. Me and my own time. I need the trainings. I need the exersize. Coz Im just a normal girl who worries about being fat. N to express my passion for silat. N to get into the roaring high spirits with the beloved team.

3pm sharp. We were all out of class. Being excused early simply bcoz we had a medical check-up. A check-up for our trip to KL. The trip that Ive been longing for. Coz i just nvr been anywhere out of Singapore for so long. The excitement. The thrill. Built up like a mountain in me.

All checked, ticked and set! Im healthy! signed by Dr. Saiful. Mai, ure fine to fight and do regu.

N so I know, Im off to KL with a mission. To give my best for Selatra n RP, perhaps the last time before I officially graduate. Its a once in a lifetime opportunity.

And 5pm. The session with Mr Wilson and Mr Surya. Burnt our spirit up. The spirit to do our best. The spirit to show. The spirit to give our best for RP. To make a mark n glory. We trained. We sweat. The exhaustion we had. I could feel it.

We ran. We jumped. We jogged. We kicked. We fell.
Yes we fell. Fell n up again.
But sigh. I fell with a twisted knee.
"ketttuuuuuq!" I know I heard that sound.
The pain. Its unbearable. I shouted of course. I cant move.
Soon, I saw everyone around me. With the medic straightening my leg. My heart pounded 5 times faster I think. Who wouldnt? Too worried. Worried if I might break anything in me.

They asked me to stand. Stood and I could feel my knee moved. Upper n lower bones hit. Only God knows how I felt.

Gosh Im sad. When I thought it was onlt some sprain, boy I was wrong. Back at home, my knee moved twice. With that sickening sound again. That made me fell the stairs. Its when I know and Im sure I broke something inside.

With the beloved family around me, CGH, here I come! heh.
But Alhamdulillah, my bones were fine.
Just ligaments. I tore/damaged my ligaments.

Just u say?? Do U know how important ur ligaments are????!?! haha.
They're valuable!! They connect all ur bones.
God, I need more fibroblast.

Thurday. 2nd round of check-up in school. I needed to declare my condition.
N soon.
SCRAP! Off my name.
Im not healthy anymore.
Mai, sorry u cant fight.. even if i ask u to do regu, u cant right? signed by Dr. Saiful
sigh.

Well, of course I cant. I cant walk. How can I compete?
Ive been walking on my right leg all along. And dragged my left leg.
Its another unbearable pain. God gives us 2 leg with a purpose. One leg is a torture.

It was embarrassing. People mocked me. More than once.
Its ok. I forgave them. Maybe they dont know how it feels to be tempang.

Alhamdulillah, its only for a moment.
God, I thank you.
People, maybe we always forget to thank Allah for what we have. We can walk, we can talk, we can laugh, we can do what we always do. When Allah takes 1 small nikmat away, I tell u, everything will be different.

Deep inside, Ive been putting hopes. Hope that miracle happens. Hope that I can walk finely again. Hope that I can recover fast enough. Even if i cant fight.. Ive been putting high hopes.. that I can still to regu.

Hope n hope n hope...
Thanks to daddy and boyfy, who made sure I get HL and vitagen collagen everyday.
I self-therapied at home. Sounds stupid but yeah.. thats what I did.
Sigh.

Kept hoping.. till its 5 days left to the big event.
Of course I can walk now. But I cant twist and turn. How is regu possible.

I have to face the fact. The reality.
I hope the other 2 regu girls understand.

In life, we have to sacrifice. Yea?
Its really hard for me to accept but I know I have to.
Fated.

Da practise bnyk2 kali.. skali btol2 2 weeks b4 the big day, kaki terple'ot nk buat cm mane kn..
Its very sad la, but what can i do
I hoped for miracle.. hoping n hoping.. die tk dtg nk buat cm mane kn?
left 5 days je.. tkkn nk letak harapan kaki ni bole tros baik kn.
abe ape, tkkn tk practise2 plak kn...
kalo nk lain org ganti.. msti nk kena kasi org tu time practise bnyk2 kn...

Gosh this is sad.
Heart-wrenching yea?

I think the decision is made.
I have to let someone replace me.
Atleast if they win, they win for me. :)




signed off
- the sad cheerless mai