Abah hung this up on the wall. Im so touched. It goes to show abah is so proud of me.

It has been more than a year. More than a year since I graduated. I can still remember how much my parents have supported me throughout the struggling years I had in NTU. I know its something they wish so much from me. From all their children. I feel so blessed to have make it through. Alhamdulillah. Praise be to Allah for giving me the chance to feel what it is like to be a Graduate in my life.

Allah has set His plans for me. For He knows Im capable. It a huge responsibility. The 'ilm that I have gained, I know for sure I must contribute it back somehow. That moment of graduation. I can still remember how happy I was. Who wouldnt. Its like being freed from a torturous jail. Torturous really. Im not kidding. I cant recall how many times I broke down from those torturous stress I had to go through in school, just to.. just to graduate.

It felt as though a huge weight was lifted off me. Im free like a bird like finally. Should I know whats waiting for me after that, I wouldnt be extremely too happy. Life after school is actually not so fun afterall. Albeit work is not so stressful like school, work is erm... how should I put it.. work is tiring. yeahh. tiring. And I cant pon work like how I pon school. Boohoo.. I'll talk about my work some other time yea?

Some friends talk about continuing to study further. Some already took their masters. Some asked if I have the same plan. As much as i look up to them for continuously seek 'ilm, Bless them ya Allah, Im not sure if taking up masters is the 'ilm that I want.

Honestly, I dnt have any interest to seek 'ilm that is being quantified by a system. Its like I dont have the kudrat to go through again. Its painful. Its painful why? cos theres a system which sets limit and benchmark and put all the pressure on us. Its like I had enough. May Allah bless my friends who are really strong in persisting, making me so proud of them.

If you ask me again, I would love to seek 'ilm freely. At my own pace, my own capability. Deep inside, Ive always dream to learn how to jahit. sound mak-cik-ish rite? Its not to me. Ive always dream to make little2 dresses for my own daughters. Make beautiful curtains for my own windows. Or even lace out my own tea-pot.

But as long as i'm still a working female, that dream remains a dream. Im no superwoman who can juggle many at a time. Work has taken up so much from me that even doing laundry at home after work is so depressing.

One fine day insyaAllah.. If Allah sets His plan according to my wish..if my wish is the best for me, I'd be a housewife one day and learn to make baju my own :)



A Dreamer,
Mai